Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
