I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
