A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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