I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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