Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
