hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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