I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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