she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
