it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
