You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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