Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
