Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
