both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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