I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
