Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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