Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.

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  (516): Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door. http://tfl.nu/5od7
  Replies (11) Good night (4416) Bad night (600)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.

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  (410): He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school. http://tfl.nu/iqns
  Replies (20) Good night (906) Bad night (5766)
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  (+44): View more from England

  No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet

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  (+44): No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet http://tfl.nu/m8ul
  Replies (50) Good night (1126) Bad night (4450)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my period, period, period

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  (540): birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex (703): I'm on my period, period, period http://tfl.nu/vsrk
  Replies (72) Good night (1903) Bad night (15830)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip

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  (412): He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip http://tfl.nu/r0us
  Replies (36) Good night (2320) Bad night (6839)
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  (323): View more from California

  You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.

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  (323): You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion. http://tfl.nu/elx2
  Replies (2) Good night (1375) Bad night (632)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.

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  (541): Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room. http://tfl.nu/wcn9
  Replies (7) Good night (2762) Bad night (613)
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  (530): View more from California

  So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?

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  (530): So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right? http://tfl.nu/yok0
  Replies (10) Good night (1425) Bad night (591)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina

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  (914): I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina http://tfl.nu/2aox
  Replies (9) Good night (1269) Bad night (640)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.

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  (731): You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely. http://tfl.nu/nb0c
  Replies (9) Good night (559) Bad night (1356)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"

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  (860): You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES" http://tfl.nu/55vp
  Replies (7) Good night (1747) Bad night (556)
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  (415): View more from California

  So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...

  (1-415): View more from California

  So no fakes?

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  (415): So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail... (1-415): So no fakes? http://tfl.nu/49wz
  Replies (3) Good night (619) Bad night (1494)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.

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  (973): I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut. http://tfl.nu/9z43
  Replies (2) Good night (1089) Bad night (331)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?

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  (219): I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM? http://tfl.nu/704g
  Replies (4) Good night (442) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.

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  (973): Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery. http://tfl.nu/x3iz
  Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (153)

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