Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."