I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
