i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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