Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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