Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
