Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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