She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
