i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
