you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Two words: nipple clamps
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