we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
