Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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