Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
