so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
