Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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