READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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