Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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