Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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