I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
