oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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