she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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