were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Randomize
