You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
