Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
