I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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