if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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