I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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