remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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