your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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