That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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