Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
