Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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