Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
