do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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