oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
