im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
