I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
