you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
