Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
