wakey wakey hands off snakey
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
