Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
