I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
