Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
