I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
