You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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