Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize